Motherhood and positive reinforcement

My 2yr old is currently at a stage where she will do just about anything to earn praise and attention from me. So I spend a large proportion of my day saying things like: thank you for waiting, good job helping Mama, well done with your drawing, very nice cleaning up, excellent use of your words... etc, etc, and ad-really-truly-nauseam.

Which has led me to realize that motherhood itself involves very little positive reinforcement for the mother. All the little sacrifices, triumphs, times you bite your tongue and *don't* say what you are really thinking, all the times you grit your teeth and smile patiently and ask *one more time* for sweetie-to-please-do-whatever, or even more importantly to *not* do something... All of these go essentially unnoticed.

The chid doesn't notice, naturally, because they are children. I don't want or expect them to notice. At the end of the day the co-parent doesn't notice, except the bits that didn't get done, and there are no other adults around during the day *to* notice. And the same thing goes on day after day, week after week, until Mother's Day. Then there is a sudden shower of flowers/chocolates/I don't know how you do it comments, and the next day it starts all over again.

I think this is why motherhood feels very lonely and isolating. All these experiences are being lived, lessons being learned, and there isn't anyone on the spot to share it with. Motherhood is a very challenging and dynamic time, but there isn't anyone to see or appreciate your personal growth. Even when mothers talk to each other about their experiences to the extent that drives non-parents up the wall, there are often significant parts which are not shared.

It has been a big change for me, going from working in a close team environment to being at home alone. Working in a busy Emergency Department there was always someone around to say "Guess what I just saw!" or to bounce ideas off, or to say "I'm not sure that went very well, how could I have handled that better?" In a house, or a park, or a shopping centre this just doesn't happen. I think this is one of the reasons mothers often say that motherhood has taught them to appreciate their own mothers.

More on why mothers don't fully disclose to one another to follow...