Why is asking for help so hard?

I was recently asked this by someone else, and in answer to her question, I had no trouble coming up with lots of reasons. When it is me - well, that's different! Asking for help is tricky, I think because it is partly a pride issue and partly a misplaced humility issue.

Pride - we don't want to seem "the weakest link", we don't want to look like we aren't coping, we don't want to be a drain on others, we like to see ourselves as coping and helping others, not needing help to cope ourselves.

Misplaced Humility - we don't want to "bother" people, we don't feel we are "worth" troubling others about, so many other people's problems are worse than our little woes, surely we don't want to be seen to be making a fuss and feeling sorry for ourselves?

Both of these are wrong, I know it. I enjoy being able to help someone who needs it, whether it is with some medical information, a meal after being sick or having a baby, babysitting so people can get out. Yet, I feel embarrassed when I need to ask for information, need help after being sick or having a baby. I am reluctant to ask for baby-sitting "just so I can get out".

An odd double-standard is at work here in my subconscious.

Proof that doctoring your own children doesn't work...

Zoe can now roll over (most of the time) but sometimes gets stuck, so Evie often "helps" her turn over. (Aren't they funny when they "help" with things?) Anyway, Zoe was crying on her tummy so Evie went to turn her over and flipped her onto her back. I didn't think anything of it, as she does this nearly every day. But she was having trouble getting Zoe over, and I realized that Zoe's right arm was trapped under her body - just as Evie finally *forced* her over onto her back with her arm underneath! Zoe was still crying through this whole procedure, so I picked her up and tried to comfort her.

Two hours later she was still crying intermittently. She would settle, then move around and start crying again. Then I noticed she wasn't using her right arm (which is the thumb she normally sucks). I picked her up again and her arm flopped down and she started crying again - then I really panicked, thinking it was a dislocated shoulder or broken arm! So I packed her up and took her to Cabrini Emergency Dept (dragging Evie along as well of course). We got there, went through registration, triage, etc. The nurse said it wouldn't be long to wait, so I sent Evie to look at the fish-tank and started undressing Zoe.

While we were sitting there the nurse came back out to check on Zoe, and obviously I was looking really stressed out. She said "Don't worry, it might be something as simple as a dislocated elbow which the doctors can just pop back in."

Then I realized - of course it is! I'm an idiot! I pop pulled elbows back in every day at work, and even teach parents to do it themselves! It isn't very hard and it works brilliantly and quickly. So I manipulated Zoe's arm, popped the elbow back in and felt it "click" back into the socket! I was so relieved!

Sure enough, about five minutes later Zoe was waving both arms around, sucking her preferred thumb and behaving totally normally again! So I said to the nurse "she's fine, we're leaving." The nurse looked a bit concerned, but I bounced Zoe up and down for her and she waved her arms around, so they agreed she was fine to go.

We got home just in time to meet Dean, who had rushed home - to hear Evie tell him all about how we went to see fish! ;)

Still, all this was a reminder to me that I really can't doctor my own children. I totally lost my perspective and needed a triage nurse to remind me of something I diagnose and treat every day! The girls are both in bed now, and I've had two cups of tea to calm my nerves. I'm sure Zoe and Evie won't remember today - and I'm equally sure that I will never forget!