My Lent fast is not going so well. This year I decided to go sugar-free for Lent, and break my usual (bad) habit of indulging my sweet tooth. I've discovered that I really am sugar addicted. People talk about being a chocoholic like it is something funny, but I'm beginning to think that this really is the female equivalent of alcoholism. Alcoholics drink to feel better, to avoid pain or escape problems and to get an artificial "kick" which life isn't providing. Sugar/chocolate does all that for me.
The worst part is that I *chose* this Lent discipline because I wanted to break the habit of being dependent on sugar and get back to being dependent on God. The fact that I now am not able to keep this discipline says what exactly? That I really am addicted? Yes, probably. That I am too lacking in willpower to see through a discipline for even 40 bloody days? Yes, that too. That I am so short-sighted that I would rather have the instant gratification of something that is bad for me than invest in the relationship which is supposed to sustain my life? Sadly, yes.
I find myself making excuses to myself: I'm tired, I have a new baby, the toddler isn't sleeping, I really *need* this, it is a birthday cake so it doesn't count, if D were here to help it would be better, etc. But none of that is the point. I chose this Lent discipline in order to fast, and part of fasting is missing out, suffering and identifying with the suffering of Jesus. I should *need* that as well. I should *need* God - and isn't a very pleasant reflection that I would rather have chocolate. That sugar is my major emotional crutch at the moment, and I need it so much that I become irritable and anxious at the knowledge that I can't have it. If I were seeing a patient with these symptoms, I would definitely diagnose a chemical dependence/withdrawal state. I really feel like I belong in a group when the introductions start with "I'm here because I know that I have a problem..."
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Sadly, I relate totally. I've given it up for God too and failed. Sssseeesh!! I'm miserable. Great blog! :)
ReplyDeleteJanice Turner
Giving up sugar is a tough one, since we do have to eat after all. My mother regularly gave up smoking for lent. She was able to do it, but unfortunately would start up again, usually after getting angry at my father. She eventually stopped for good when I was about 12.
ReplyDeleteI think it is not so important that we succeed in 'giving up something' for Lent, but that we come to recognize that it is difficult to attempt to do so. It is a bit humbling.
I personally prefer to observe Lent by doing acts of service. This could be volunteering at school/church or even doing little unsolicited favours for my family.
Best wishes for your new blog. Maureen (from CHFWeb)
I hear that Melbourne had a wicked hail storm on the weekend. I hope you are all safe and sound.
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